Can Therapy Save Your Dating Life?
Can Therapy Save Your Dating Life?
By, Nikki
Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC
Have you
ever wondered why you keep being drawn to the same type of person? Have you
ever asked yourself why you always seem to be the one to be broken up with?
Ever had the thought occur to you that you settle for less than you deserve
time and time again? Wondered if you are in are ever going to be able to tackle
those trust issues for good? The answers to all these can be asked, and
addressed in individual therapy. Working on and through these issues can put
you in a healthy place to finally find that relationship that feels right, and
more importantly to feel good about yourself in it!
No matter
how hard we try and fight it, we are drawn to what we know. This is true in
habits and personality traits that are good or bad. If you had an alcoholic
father, an abusive mother, or parents who were withholding of their emotions,
you are more likely to be unconsciously drawn to similar people in our romantic
lives. Why is this, we are drawn to what we know. What therapy can help you do
is to identify these patterns. You can discuss what traits you grew up with,
the type of person you keep being drawn too, and ways that you can break this
pattern. Once you break this pattern, you can start to consciously choose
people that are healthier for you, and have healthier, longer lasting
relationships.
If you have
ever stopped and asked yourself why you always seem to be on the receiving end
of a break up, there might be a few things that you could work on in therapy.
You and a therapist can talk about the feedback and reasons people have given
you as relationships ended. Are there patterns and common themes? If so, you
can work on changing these habits that are rubbing your significant other the
wrong way. It is hard for any of us to hear, much less dissect criticism, but it
can be the key to being the best version of you, and one who is successful in
relationships. There are even many times when you have some insight into things
you are doing that push people away. You can work on these habits and finally
break the habits for good.
If you have
ever thought that maybe you are better than the people you are picking for
yourself, you are probably right. This might mean you have some work to do on
self-esteem and confidence in individual therapy. You need to learn that you
are a catch, that you are worthy of a quality partner, and that you have many
shining attributes that you do not give yourself enough credit for. You need to
work on learning your true worth. Many times people have dated someone, or
several people in a row, that have broken down their sense of self. In therapy
you can learn to see the truth about yourself, and to let go of negative
messages that people have left you with.
Trust issues
are one of the most common and pervasive issues that come up in individual therapy.
Whether they originated from your parents infidelities, or from someone who has
broken your trust in a relationship, it is an issue that is vital to address
and correct. Have you ever looked through your partner’s phone, questioned them
about a comment someone made on their Facebook page, or just struggled to
believe what they say in general? It sounds like trust is an issue for you, and
until you are able to work through your issues of trust, you are never going to
have a healthy relationship. If a partner feels like they can never earn your
trust, they are often driven away from the relationship. If you feel the
relationship is one worth having, you need to learn to be able to judge this
individual uniquely, and realize the reasons that they would never want to hurt
you. If you are willing to put in the time and effort to address these issues
in therapy, it could just save your dating life!
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